Thinking of you
by patz1307
Summary: A songfic I made from Katy Perry's song "Thinking of you". Hermione thinking of the difference, wondering how life could be if she ended up with the one she truly loved. Was she able to completely let go of her past? -M-
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the song. That's all I have to say.**

* * *

**_Thinking of you_**

**Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one I still got the seed**

Happiness was the only thing I felt with you. I couldn't feel anything else but the love you showed me. I couldn't help but stroke your perfect blond hair, kiss your soft lips, feel your strong arms around me. I could never forget how you would say my name; more emotion was in your voice than your face permitted. I love you, more than I could love life itself. But no matter how much I loved you, we couldn't be together. I just had to settle with someone else who loved me equally, but I could not love as much as I do you.

No matter how we hated each other from the start, no matter how many times I tried to tell myself that we cannot be together, no matter how I tried to tell myself that you would never have any liking to me… I was proved wrong.

Oh, how I remember how we started. A simple apology after calling me _Mudblood_ when we were in our second year, how we secretly became friends after that. How we'd secretly laugh and apologize to each other after the rude things we say to each other during the day… How you kissed me for the first time, at the dead of the night, after I came back from the Ministry of Magic on our fifth year. That was when I realized that we're not just friends, that I felt more than that toward you… I fell in love with you. I didn't care that we had to keep it a secret from everyone else, even my friends. I was just happy that you felt the same way I do.

**You said move on where do I go  
I guess second best is all I will know**

"_Hermione…"_

"_No, Draco, please…" I pleaded, clinging on his shirt for support as my own weak knees could not help me stand. "Draco, please don't go. I can't live without you. I won't be able to survive without you. I love you."_

_You held me tight, I could feel your own tears touch my hair, "I'm sorry…" you whisper, your voice breaking for the first time. "I cannot stay any longer. You have to move on-"_

"_I don't want to move on!" I yell, staring into your deep, silver eyes. "I don't want to move on, Draco. I don't want anyone else but you. No one will be good enough for me but you…"_

"_I am a Death Eater, Hermione." you spat, pulling your sleeve up to show the mark burned on your skin. "I cannot give you the life you truly deserve. Cannot give you the things you need once I'm in Azkaban." You took a deep breath and wiped away my tears instead of yours, "You will just have to move on, Hermione… I am not right for you."_

"_Draco…" I pleaded. "Please, don't do this to me. I love you. I cannot move on because I love no one else but you. You will always be the only one in my heart"._

"_You would just have to, Hermione." You whisper, taking my hand in yours. "You would just have to move on. Find someone right for you- live and be happy. Please, Hermione? Ron would be good for you, I know that he's in love with you. He loves you, Hermione. I could see it in his eyes. Pick him; it will be my peace of mind."_

"_But Draco…"_

_You leaned onto me, your lips touching mine ever so softly, "One last kiss before I go… I love you, and will always love you…But we have to let each other go." _

**'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
thinking of you  
what you would do**

**If you were the one who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
was looking into your eyes**

As blue as his eyes were, I wanted your silver ones. He took good care of me; you were right, as usual. We spent cold night in each others' arms as we searched for Hurcroxes… but, oh how I truly wish you were the one holding me tight. How I wished I could have you near me, shield me form the worst that could have happened. Ron left Harry and me, causing me to go more into my depression. It was like having a swords pierced through my already wounded heart. He came back, apologizing for the idiotic thing that he did, saying he never meant it. I could see Harry's eyes on me; I pretended to be happy once more… Just because I promised you I would be.

**You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy with a surprise center  
How do I get better once I've had the best  
You said there's tons of fish in the water  
So the waters I will test**

_Your skin looked pale against mine, your aristocratic features scared first years into wetting their pants. But I knew better. _

"_Why must you always scare them?" I asked in exasperation, snuggling closer, my head resting on your strong chest._

"_It's just fun to." You teased, stroking my cheek with your finger. "It's just cute to see them scared. I like seeing them run around like little animals."_

"_Draco, don't be so mean." I pouted._

"_I was just joking." You said softly, kissing my forehead. "It's an image I have to keep up, you know that. But I do love kids, you know. I love seeing them run around and play… especially when they look younger."_

_I looked up at him and he was grinning at me, making me blush, "Stop teasing." I accused and nudging him lightly. But the prospect of having kids with him was a brilliant idea. _

_I suddenly shivered, the cold winter wind already got to me as we were staying behind the trees of the Forbidden Forest. Without another word, you swiftly removed your cloak and draped it over me like a blanket. "Thank you…" I whispered, sighing with content._

"_Why'd you choose me?" you suddenly ask out of the blue. "You had Krum; there are so many other men that could be better for you than me."_

"_Because you're the one I love, not the other men." I answered seriously._

"_Don't you think that you could have other choices?"_

"_I don't want other choices, Draco; I want you. I love you."_

"_I love you too, Hermione…" You said softly, whispering it in my ear before kissing me. It was loving, gentle, full of emotion… It startled me, but I knew why you acted that way. I swore to myself long before that I'd protect you in every way that I can. Lie to Harry, lie to everyone else. I just wanted you to be safe. _

**He kissed my lips I taste your mouth  
He pulled me in I was disgusted with myself**

I could not help but compare Ron to you. He was _nothing_ like you. His kisses were not as gentle as yours; his touches were not as loving as you touched me. With you, I could feel all emotions in just a little touch of your finger on my hand. He could hug me, pull me into his arms, and never let me go… He could never be equal to what you have showed me. I never felt so revolted with myself. The things I do for a promise I had to keep. The things I do so I could try and move on… I could never move on. It felt like I was violating myself.

**Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into...**

"_Hermione…" you would whisper softly in my ear as we lay on a soft bed in the Room of Requirements. _

"Hermione…" Ron would whisper as we lay beside each other in our bed.

"_I love you." You say, making my heart melt, my eyes fill up with tears, a small smile appear on my face. I could feel all the love in those three words that you speak, all the emotion you put on it could be felt. It felt like you were ready to give me the whole world, just to make me happy._

"I love you." Ron would whisper, making me smile. I could feel his sincerity, his honesty and his love. He could make me smile without effort; he could make me laugh as well. He was my best friend, now my husband. He gave me two wonderful children, whom I love so dearly…

"_I love you, too…" I whispered back, snuggling closer, meaning every word of it. Feeling my heart burst with all the emotion I felt._

"I love you, too." I would whisper back, feeling a guilty stab in my heart. I love him- truly, I do- but not the same way that I love you. I loved him as a friend, I love him as my husband, and I love him as the father of my children… but I simply cannot love him the way I love you.

**You're the best  
And yes I do regret  
How I could let myself let you go  
Now, now the lesson's learned  
I touched it I was burned  
Oh I think you should know**

How many sleepless nights, how many mourning days I had when I reluctantly agreed to part with you. I could not sleep, could not eat, and could not even breathe. The mere sound of your name would tear me into two. I would silently cry and stare out the window; my parents were worried in the state I was in. After our farewell was summer, I had to go home for a while before going on with Harry. I pretended to be fine, when deep inside I was in pieces. The smile on my face felt like a mask that I had to wear everyday.

Forgetting you was impossible, moving on felt like torture. But a promise was a promise. Ron, out of all men, became my boyfriend, my fiancé and then my husband. Sometimes I would dream that I was married to you, instead. That Rose and Hugo were our children. How I wished that it could be you I was spending the rest of my life with. I would sometimes be overcome by regret and want to lock myself away. If I cannot be with you, I don't want to be with anyone else. But, my promise was more important. I had to go on, even if it felt like walking on fire.

**Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I **

**Was looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Oh won't you walk through  
And bust in the door and take me away  
Oh no more mistakes  
Cause in your eyes I'd  
like to stay…**

Years have passed, the last time I saw you was at your manor when we were captured. After that, we had no more contact. I knew you made no effort to, so it wouldn't be harder for the both of us. I didn't make any effort because I don't want to hurt Ron. We both had our choices; our choices drove us out of each others' lives. Nineteen years have passed since the war, I was with Ron, Harry and Ginny, ushering our children onto the train. Rose, my eldest, is finally entering Hogwarts.

Then Ron saw you. I turned and held back a smile and a sob. You, with your beautiful son and gorgeous wife… We both moved on. A smile hiding behind me, because you still looked so handsome despite the years. A sob, because I felt a twinge of jealousy that we were not together sending _our_ children to school. But I could not ask for anything more. My life is already perfect as it is. I am happy, and you looked like it as well…

"_I will always love you, Hermione…" you whispered, kissing me ever so softly. "Whatever happens between us, I will always and forever love you."_

"_And so will I, Draco. I love you with all my heart." I kissed back._

"I still love you…" I whisper before we left, passing you and your wife. It was something that I could not keep myself from saying. It was something that I need to say, to get it out of my chest and my conscience. Something I needed to say, hoping that it will help me finally move on.

"I love you, too, Hermione… Always and forever." I heard you whisper. I turned to face you, you were staring back at me… a small sweet smile on your lips. Ron was a bit far away; your wife was busy waving at your son. "Be happy." You mouthed.

"I am." I said more to myself, but I know you saw my lips move. It felt good. It felt good to know that you still love me the way I love you. Maybe, just maybe, we could be together. If not in this world, then in another.

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A/n:

I obviously love Draco and Hermione pairings. I lost my flashdrive, that's why I haven't been able to post another chapter on Secret. I hope those who have it on alert are patient enough to wait for a couple more days. I have a defense coming up, and I have to retype everything.

Reviews are much appreciated

_patz_


	2. Author's Note

Author's Note:

So I made little changes on the story, don't know if you guys would notice what I atually changed. But I am planning to write a song that shows Draco's side of the story. Again **_PLANNING_**. Dont know which song to use but I do have the story in my mind. Suggestions and comments are welcome!

Reviews are much appreciated!

_pat_


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